Did you miss me? I missed you! Yes, it's been a while. It doesn't mean that posts haven't been happening....Just mostly in my head. Time to get the fingers moving on the keyboard and put it out there.
Life is still busy. It's actually the busiest time of year for us. Regardless of how busy we are, we still need to eat. 3 meals a day. Every day....
With four kids' individual personalities, their food preferences follow suit. One point is that their preferences are a moving target. It has been said that you need to put a food in front of a kid hundreds of times before you can expect them to eat it. What about the opposite. What happens when you have a child who eats a food and then stops? How much does peer pressure have to do with "likes" and "dislikes"? How does one meal plan around all of these factors.
Child #1, with parents who knew nothing, was a pretty agreeable eater as a small child. He had his quirks, but ate fruits, vegetables, meat, dairy, etc. No issues. Until he gave up all fruits and vegetables. ALL. Well, not quite all. Apples and bananas were it. Around 1st grade he added lettuce to his repertoire of things he'd eat, thanks to the school garden and a gallon of ranch dressing. Then came the tips of broccoli and avocado with ketchup. I don't think enough nutrients from the vegetables entered his system, but it was better than nothing.
Apples and bananas began to wane and then his sisters started to LOVE fruit. The smell, sight or mention of the fruit would send him into a tizzy. My patience began to wane along with all fruits and vegetables. His extreme persistence in not eating these foods was so annoying. I cooked with home made broths and we ate a lot of salad. I lectured and yelled. Speaking negatively about food they were served was a punishable offense. The main issue that was arising was that his littlest sister, #4, was starting to mimic him.
#4 was the slowest, pickiest eater in the world. She would fall asleep eating, it would take her so long. Her tastes were different. Due to low weight, she had extra supplements of cod liver oil and homemade formula. As she got older, she would eat anything mixed with the oil, but imitate her brother's refusal for most other things. If she ate after 3PM, she would not eat dinner. I was told that 2 good meals were good enough. Boy did she try my patience.
#2 eats EVERYTHING. I'm not joking. She tells me when there is something she doesn't like, but says that she doesn't want to hurt my feelings and eats it anyway. As much as she was trying to emulate her brother in most other areas of her life, thank goodness eating wasn't one of them.
#3 eats almost everything. She eats all fruits and vegetables along with most meals. She also likes to help cook. Shelling an extra large bag of peas is exciting. Payment is being able to eat them along the way.
That was then, this is now.....
Just because some of my kids didn't like fruits or vegetables didn't mean I didn't serve them. We converted, as a family, to eating family meals together every night. This meant I was eating what the kids did. The kids were served more diverse foods and things they hadn't seen or liked before. Tantrums ensued, but I pursued. First #1 accepted onions in his food. Then #1 and #2 started favoring spicy foods. Seasoning became fun. They fought over the pepper grinder. #1 became open to eating bell peppers. In his mind it was because they had the word pepper in them, so they were related to pepper. This is where I knew it was a mental thing. Really, as you and I know, bell peppers have nothing to do with pepper! I mean, come on! A small victory happened here.
Fast forward a year of refused meals, picking vegetables out of mixed meals, and so on. #1 had dinner at a friend's house. His next request floored me. Could I please make broccolini and make sure it was well done. Um, yah, of course I could. In the same week I made a meal that had butternut squash and chard in it. I figured squash tasted similar to the sweet potatoes he ate during Thanksgiving. I must confess that I was playing on the fact he was colorblind. I figured the chard would look brown and blend in with other parts. I didn't count on him reading the recipe as I cooked. He ate it anyway. A few days later I made a yummy dish that included mushrooms. He started to eat around them. I asked him to think about trying them since he'd really been liking what I'd been making that week. He ate them and said "mmmm, not bad". #4 was watching him.
Within a week or two, my picky-never touched/looked at-eater had quadrupled his vegetable repertoire. I felt so accomplished. Who am I kidding though? It had taken over 6 years of struggles and trials. I had never been in the position of working so long without a plan, trying to do the best I could. Lucky for all of us that I am more stubborn than my children. I know they get it from me, but for now, I hold the title.
What came next.....
Kale! It wasn't far off from chard or broccolini. I overcooked it, like the boy enjoyed. We ALL enjoyed it. Now, we have salad, maybe once a week and the kids fight over the rest of the kale chips. Last night he even ate tomatoes on his sandwich. I hope it doesn't take 6 years to get #4 on board.
How much of our success was maturity? Probably lots. Both mine and the kids. We are enjoying finding new favorite meals together. I am so thankful we did not give up. I am a believer. Keep serving it, but not forcing it. We have switched to family style. Take what you will eat and you can always have more. Say nothing if you don't like it. We ask the kids to try each item but don't battle. If they don't care for dinner, they don't get a second cup of milk. The only thing we allow to be eaten other than dinner is bananas. We are also thankful that our friends eat similarly to us. We cannot control what our kids eat or are offered when not at home. The kids trade and share lunches and snacks at school. They learn to articulate their likes and dislikes when friend's parents offer foods. They are exposed to things we may not eat. Once again, it takes a village.
Now, I'm hungry, what's for dinner?!
Showing posts with label patience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label patience. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Sunday, June 12, 2011
play ball
Yes, we make choices on the activities our kids are engaged in. Yes, there are too many for many a reason (time, money, etc). But, with that said, I am humbled by all that I have learned about myself and kids through this part of our journey.
We are at the end of the baseball season. Even though this is our third season, I am still learning. The start of this season in particular began with tears. I am second guessing our decisions, which is silly, since they are way in the past. #1 doesn't like his picture to be taken, but values a good one when taken of an amazing play. How am I supposed to accomplish that? Neither kid likes to be endeared as "baby" which I still often call them. They also don't like "woohoo" in a motherly pitch to be hollered.
We decided that #1 & #2 would tryout for the leagues above them. Our intent was not for them to play in the tougher leagues, but to have the experience of the tryout process. Based on last year's league structure, very few kids actually "played up". Well, that was not the situation this year. We got our team assignments and unfortunately, hubby was out of town. Neither kid made it into the higher leagues. I was not surprised, until I heard that most of my guys' peers did make it. So, this year's league was a different animal. I had misjudged the dynamics. It turns out that with the SF Giants winning the World Series, everyone decided to play ball. This created a situation where lots of players needed to be pushed up into the higher leagues. I had just created the first of many disappointments with this process for my kids. In their eyes, they had failed where so many had succeeded.
#2 is uber-competitave. She plays in the boys' league. Our original agreed upon purpose was not to make it. She agreed but then the time came and she cried and protested. This was several days after we heard about #1's team placement. Each hour and day in between she would ask if I received her placement notice. Those were tough "no's". The anticipation created more tension. More and more peers had "made it" until she felt she was the only one in her grade who had not. She then set a condition saying, "If I don't make it, I'm not playing".
#1 heard his team placement right away. He was to be an older fish in a younger pond. The good news was he had friends and peers he knew on his team. Last year he did not know anyone on his team. So, this year, it was meaningful to have friends. He said he wouldn't play. The team he was drafted on was a different story. Last year this particular team did not have the best behavior when they played his team. It was on his list of teams he did not want to play on. The thing is, no one asks who you want to be with or which team you want to play on. Even though our intent was to not make the higher league, other coaches did not know this. I did not know that the lower league would not be present or know his stats because he was at the higher tryouts. In retrospect, this was probably a mistake. Should he have done both tryouts? Was this an option? I didn't have the answers then or even now for that matter, but knew the stress we were dealing with as a result of the choices.
What did we do? We reacted, and maybe overreacted. We cried, we talked and we made decisions at the parental level. In retrospect, we would have approached the pre-season differently. That being said, we survived and quite well I might say.
We told #2 that if she chose to not play this year, she would not be allowed to play next year. This was an opportunity to be a leader and improve her skills. One of the things we did right was to ask that she not be on a team with younger kids from her school. This is because the youngers were #3's peers and friends. That would have exacerbated the situation for sure. I am confident that this was good forethought on our part. It turns out she was not the only one her grade who was in her league. It also turned out that her entire team from last year, except for her, was drafted into the higher league by her coach from last year. This team, that had drafted her buddies, won 1 game this year. They had a tough season. The team she was on touted her as their best fielder. They won all or almost all (depending on who you ask) of their games (even though score is technically not kept). I am so thankful that she did not make the higher league. I am thankful she swallowed her pride and stuck with it. As amazing #2 is at almost everything she does, it is okay to not be the top of something and to take a ride to see what will happen. I am thankful for the situations we went through on this journey to have had the experience we did. She still wants to be a Major League ball player and this means her confidence is intact. She made new friends and received good coaching at all levels. She could also focus on her tae kwon do black-belt. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.
We explored our options for #1's situation. Even dad supported him in his impulse to not play. I couldn't imagine him not playing when all of his friends were ready to. His choices were to play on a team he didn't want to be on, ask to be traded or to not play. The risk in being traded would be that he might end up on a team where he had no friends. As good and experience last year's season turned out to be, I hadn't realized how stressful it was to not have friends on his team. Sure, he ended the season with friends, but how could I have missed the stress he carried from it? I e-mailed and talked with his coach discussing our concerns. In the end #1 chose to stick with the known quantity. We would have supported him with any of his choices (obviously).
Was playing baseball supposed to be this hard? His season had it's ups and downs and so did his attitude. In the end, his team had a decent playoff and a weak season prior to that. If you read my tae kwon do post, you'd know that attitude is an issue that permeates all facets of #1's life. I'm glad he knows what winning in this season feels like. He said he wouldn't trade the weak season for the great playoffs. Hopefully this learning of persistence can payoff will go with him in his future journeys. I am still waiting for the coach and teacher that can unlock his potential. For now, I'm happy he's happy and we're maintaining. I've learned he doesn't need me to tell him to get ready. He may not look ready, but it is not my job, nor does it motivate him to have me hollering "get ready" or "pay attention". When the ball is hit to him, he will do what he is capable of doing without my words. What he really wants is for me to see him do good. Whenever there is a good play, after the game, he'll ask "did you see that?" So, instead of worrying about things that are his coaches' jobs, I should just pay attention and enjoy the ride.
Going forward we will continue to learn these lessons of patience and persistence. They are not easy, but I suppose they are necessary. It feels good to cheer your kids on and to see them overcome stressful situations. It feels good to learn together as a family. The examples #1 and #2 worked through were great lessons for the youngers to learn from (if they were paying attention). If they missed the lesson, mom and dad will be there to remind them with love, understanding and probably a few tissues for the tears. Stay tuned, we're heading into the unchartered territory of competitive soccer for #2 and #3....
We are at the end of the baseball season. Even though this is our third season, I am still learning. The start of this season in particular began with tears. I am second guessing our decisions, which is silly, since they are way in the past. #1 doesn't like his picture to be taken, but values a good one when taken of an amazing play. How am I supposed to accomplish that? Neither kid likes to be endeared as "baby" which I still often call them. They also don't like "woohoo" in a motherly pitch to be hollered.
We decided that #1 & #2 would tryout for the leagues above them. Our intent was not for them to play in the tougher leagues, but to have the experience of the tryout process. Based on last year's league structure, very few kids actually "played up". Well, that was not the situation this year. We got our team assignments and unfortunately, hubby was out of town. Neither kid made it into the higher leagues. I was not surprised, until I heard that most of my guys' peers did make it. So, this year's league was a different animal. I had misjudged the dynamics. It turns out that with the SF Giants winning the World Series, everyone decided to play ball. This created a situation where lots of players needed to be pushed up into the higher leagues. I had just created the first of many disappointments with this process for my kids. In their eyes, they had failed where so many had succeeded.
#2 is uber-competitave. She plays in the boys' league. Our original agreed upon purpose was not to make it. She agreed but then the time came and she cried and protested. This was several days after we heard about #1's team placement. Each hour and day in between she would ask if I received her placement notice. Those were tough "no's". The anticipation created more tension. More and more peers had "made it" until she felt she was the only one in her grade who had not. She then set a condition saying, "If I don't make it, I'm not playing".
#1 heard his team placement right away. He was to be an older fish in a younger pond. The good news was he had friends and peers he knew on his team. Last year he did not know anyone on his team. So, this year, it was meaningful to have friends. He said he wouldn't play. The team he was drafted on was a different story. Last year this particular team did not have the best behavior when they played his team. It was on his list of teams he did not want to play on. The thing is, no one asks who you want to be with or which team you want to play on. Even though our intent was to not make the higher league, other coaches did not know this. I did not know that the lower league would not be present or know his stats because he was at the higher tryouts. In retrospect, this was probably a mistake. Should he have done both tryouts? Was this an option? I didn't have the answers then or even now for that matter, but knew the stress we were dealing with as a result of the choices.
What did we do? We reacted, and maybe overreacted. We cried, we talked and we made decisions at the parental level. In retrospect, we would have approached the pre-season differently. That being said, we survived and quite well I might say.
We told #2 that if she chose to not play this year, she would not be allowed to play next year. This was an opportunity to be a leader and improve her skills. One of the things we did right was to ask that she not be on a team with younger kids from her school. This is because the youngers were #3's peers and friends. That would have exacerbated the situation for sure. I am confident that this was good forethought on our part. It turns out she was not the only one her grade who was in her league. It also turned out that her entire team from last year, except for her, was drafted into the higher league by her coach from last year. This team, that had drafted her buddies, won 1 game this year. They had a tough season. The team she was on touted her as their best fielder. They won all or almost all (depending on who you ask) of their games (even though score is technically not kept). I am so thankful that she did not make the higher league. I am thankful she swallowed her pride and stuck with it. As amazing #2 is at almost everything she does, it is okay to not be the top of something and to take a ride to see what will happen. I am thankful for the situations we went through on this journey to have had the experience we did. She still wants to be a Major League ball player and this means her confidence is intact. She made new friends and received good coaching at all levels. She could also focus on her tae kwon do black-belt. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.
We explored our options for #1's situation. Even dad supported him in his impulse to not play. I couldn't imagine him not playing when all of his friends were ready to. His choices were to play on a team he didn't want to be on, ask to be traded or to not play. The risk in being traded would be that he might end up on a team where he had no friends. As good and experience last year's season turned out to be, I hadn't realized how stressful it was to not have friends on his team. Sure, he ended the season with friends, but how could I have missed the stress he carried from it? I e-mailed and talked with his coach discussing our concerns. In the end #1 chose to stick with the known quantity. We would have supported him with any of his choices (obviously).
Was playing baseball supposed to be this hard? His season had it's ups and downs and so did his attitude. In the end, his team had a decent playoff and a weak season prior to that. If you read my tae kwon do post, you'd know that attitude is an issue that permeates all facets of #1's life. I'm glad he knows what winning in this season feels like. He said he wouldn't trade the weak season for the great playoffs. Hopefully this learning of persistence can payoff will go with him in his future journeys. I am still waiting for the coach and teacher that can unlock his potential. For now, I'm happy he's happy and we're maintaining. I've learned he doesn't need me to tell him to get ready. He may not look ready, but it is not my job, nor does it motivate him to have me hollering "get ready" or "pay attention". When the ball is hit to him, he will do what he is capable of doing without my words. What he really wants is for me to see him do good. Whenever there is a good play, after the game, he'll ask "did you see that?" So, instead of worrying about things that are his coaches' jobs, I should just pay attention and enjoy the ride.
Going forward we will continue to learn these lessons of patience and persistence. They are not easy, but I suppose they are necessary. It feels good to cheer your kids on and to see them overcome stressful situations. It feels good to learn together as a family. The examples #1 and #2 worked through were great lessons for the youngers to learn from (if they were paying attention). If they missed the lesson, mom and dad will be there to remind them with love, understanding and probably a few tissues for the tears. Stay tuned, we're heading into the unchartered territory of competitive soccer for #2 and #3....
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Korean Bar Mitzvah
This post has been under construction in my brain for the last few weeks. Three weeks ago #1 and #2 cleared their pretest at their tae kwon do studio. This was not just any test, it was their black belt pretest. I have never been so anxious for my kids to do well. This was something they had been working towards for 5 and 4+ years respectively. When I say they, I really mean we. Extra sisters and I have been waiting and watching class upon class upon class. As the belt-rank increased, so did the time requirements and the class times shifted later and later. With this progression, our household bedtimes shifted later and later. It has been a true family commitment. We spend more time and money at tae kwon do than we do at our temple. Years ago I realized the benefits of starting this journey early. If my kids wanted to pursue their black belts, they would need to be young enough to not have major commitments in their way. Commitments like Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, school, other competitive sports, etc... Each year, as our contracts expired the kids have had a choice to continue or not. They have always chosen to move forward. Now, during several times, the quest to move forward stalled but never stopped completely.
I bet you are wondering what my point is here. Well, with the paper to test for black belt, the kids were assigned an essay topic. This had to be heartfelt and written without help. Their topics were specifically assigned. #1's was "attitude" and #2's was "patience". Both topics resonated with me. Please, please, let me contribute to their essays. What? This is their journey? Well, I'll just put my thoughts here then...
Patience. Uh-huh. Take a deep breath. I am not a very patient person. I have learned patience through our tae kwon do journey. Patience from sitting through multiple classes per day and week. Patience from seeing other kids pass my kids in belt advancement. Patience from things being done differently than I would do them. I have had to have patience with myself and kids in ways I would never have expected. Patience with those darn uniforms that never come clean. One little thing gets on them and it will never come out. Patience when #3's class time was not consecutive with #1 & #2's. Occupying my time and that of extra sisters'. Patience when #1 was not performing to his personal best. Oh, the torture. Lastly, patience to let this be their journey, not mine.
My guess is that the intent of "patience" being #2's topic was to take her time. She started tae kwon do 6 months after her brother. Within a few months, she caught up to him. On one or two occasions she even tested for the next belt before her brother. Her focus is unfazed. Her determination and teachability are both top notch. She needs patience to be the amazing girl she is without being too hard on herself. She needs patience with her brother to understand he is a different person and learner than she is. She needs patience with her mother to allow her to help. She needs patience with her little sisters; to remember she is one too.
Attitude. This is something I am so qualified to talk about. Oops, this probably isn't a good thing. There are different ways to look at attitude. It can be a way of thinking or feeling about someone or something. It is also defined as uncooperative behavior. I think I have a little bit of both. I have to be careful to keep my attitude in check and in my head. In a way, attitude is related to patience. Someone with a lack of patience can be seen as one with a bad attitude. How do you explain to a 6, 7, 8 etc.. year old that their attitude can impact so much? Others' perception of one's attitude has a lot of power. There are places we are held accountable. In life, no one has to give you grades or reviews. If there were grades or reviews in being a mom, I'm sure my attitude would be a factor.
"You only have one chance to make a first impression". This is true. I've seen #1 work for months to redeem his value to have it shattered in one afternoon by uncooperative behavior (aka a bad attitude). Yes, these are teachable moments, but so much of it is maturation. Until a child is able to comprehend the concept, it is so difficult to teach. Tae kwon do has been so good for my wiggly boy. His perception versus reality has always gotten in his way. This affects his self esteem and confidence. To see him advance in belts and stick with this to achieve his black belt has been amazing. There have been times when his attitude has gotten in his way and gotten him in trouble in class. He always felt this meant the teachers wanted him to drop out. Time and time again I'd try to explain to him that it really meant they believed in him. Really they saw more in him than he did himself. His potential and ability versus his performance is prevalent in school, religious school, soccer, baseball and tae kwon do. I am so hopeful that this achievement can serve as a tangible example of what he can do. That people are not out to get him. That his attitude is a frame of mind that can be tamed.
During the black belt test, Sensi was reminding the kids testing to breathe. Each time he said this, I noticed I was holding my breath. I wanted them to reach this goal to be proud of themselves. Each class prior to their test was an opportunity to learn, but it was also an opportunity for lack of patience or a bad attitude. The decision making was not in our control, but the performance was. We, as a family, made this last stretch a priority. I don't think I realized how much it affected me until their speeches were written. Yes, I had a sneak peek since I am the household editor-at-large. For once, tears I shed at bedtime were tears of joy and not sadness. Both #1 and #2 gave a glimpse inside their heads and hearts. #1 spoke of himself as a boy and looks to the future to becoming a teenager and going to college. #2 gave understanding perspective of herself and both school and home life.
My last thought on this is that I cannot imagine being any prouder. My heart soared as my kids reached this achievement. This was an amazing happy moment in life that I look forward to holding on to forever. I know there are more events in life for us to learn from, be proud of and be touched by. I'm happy to have patience and take them one at a time as they are earned and given to us.
I bet you are wondering what my point is here. Well, with the paper to test for black belt, the kids were assigned an essay topic. This had to be heartfelt and written without help. Their topics were specifically assigned. #1's was "attitude" and #2's was "patience". Both topics resonated with me. Please, please, let me contribute to their essays. What? This is their journey? Well, I'll just put my thoughts here then...
Patience. Uh-huh. Take a deep breath. I am not a very patient person. I have learned patience through our tae kwon do journey. Patience from sitting through multiple classes per day and week. Patience from seeing other kids pass my kids in belt advancement. Patience from things being done differently than I would do them. I have had to have patience with myself and kids in ways I would never have expected. Patience with those darn uniforms that never come clean. One little thing gets on them and it will never come out. Patience when #3's class time was not consecutive with #1 & #2's. Occupying my time and that of extra sisters'. Patience when #1 was not performing to his personal best. Oh, the torture. Lastly, patience to let this be their journey, not mine.
My guess is that the intent of "patience" being #2's topic was to take her time. She started tae kwon do 6 months after her brother. Within a few months, she caught up to him. On one or two occasions she even tested for the next belt before her brother. Her focus is unfazed. Her determination and teachability are both top notch. She needs patience to be the amazing girl she is without being too hard on herself. She needs patience with her brother to understand he is a different person and learner than she is. She needs patience with her mother to allow her to help. She needs patience with her little sisters; to remember she is one too.
Attitude. This is something I am so qualified to talk about. Oops, this probably isn't a good thing. There are different ways to look at attitude. It can be a way of thinking or feeling about someone or something. It is also defined as uncooperative behavior. I think I have a little bit of both. I have to be careful to keep my attitude in check and in my head. In a way, attitude is related to patience. Someone with a lack of patience can be seen as one with a bad attitude. How do you explain to a 6, 7, 8 etc.. year old that their attitude can impact so much? Others' perception of one's attitude has a lot of power. There are places we are held accountable. In life, no one has to give you grades or reviews. If there were grades or reviews in being a mom, I'm sure my attitude would be a factor.
"You only have one chance to make a first impression". This is true. I've seen #1 work for months to redeem his value to have it shattered in one afternoon by uncooperative behavior (aka a bad attitude). Yes, these are teachable moments, but so much of it is maturation. Until a child is able to comprehend the concept, it is so difficult to teach. Tae kwon do has been so good for my wiggly boy. His perception versus reality has always gotten in his way. This affects his self esteem and confidence. To see him advance in belts and stick with this to achieve his black belt has been amazing. There have been times when his attitude has gotten in his way and gotten him in trouble in class. He always felt this meant the teachers wanted him to drop out. Time and time again I'd try to explain to him that it really meant they believed in him. Really they saw more in him than he did himself. His potential and ability versus his performance is prevalent in school, religious school, soccer, baseball and tae kwon do. I am so hopeful that this achievement can serve as a tangible example of what he can do. That people are not out to get him. That his attitude is a frame of mind that can be tamed.
During the black belt test, Sensi was reminding the kids testing to breathe. Each time he said this, I noticed I was holding my breath. I wanted them to reach this goal to be proud of themselves. Each class prior to their test was an opportunity to learn, but it was also an opportunity for lack of patience or a bad attitude. The decision making was not in our control, but the performance was. We, as a family, made this last stretch a priority. I don't think I realized how much it affected me until their speeches were written. Yes, I had a sneak peek since I am the household editor-at-large. For once, tears I shed at bedtime were tears of joy and not sadness. Both #1 and #2 gave a glimpse inside their heads and hearts. #1 spoke of himself as a boy and looks to the future to becoming a teenager and going to college. #2 gave understanding perspective of herself and both school and home life.
My last thought on this is that I cannot imagine being any prouder. My heart soared as my kids reached this achievement. This was an amazing happy moment in life that I look forward to holding on to forever. I know there are more events in life for us to learn from, be proud of and be touched by. I'm happy to have patience and take them one at a time as they are earned and given to us.
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